When Life Gives you "No" Answers. . .

Look at the bright side!

Accepting "NO" answers is one of life's hardest lessons I think, even for adults. When I can get my kids to really accept a no answer with a calm face, voice, and body, and drop the subject, I feel a great accomplishment in that moment! Well, the other day, I got a no answer and forgot about my calm plan in the moment and made a bit of a silly, big deal about something.

Last Thursday, I woke up knowing it would be a busy, stressful day with all that I needed to get done. I was finishing up our homeschool classes and was in charge of a baby shower for my sister. The day before I had done what I could to be ready for the day, including making up a batch of cookies and some banana bread, and gone to bed exhausted.

I got up before the kids so I could get all ready for the day before they got up. While I was blow drying my hair, my 6 year old daughter and 2 year old son had awaken and gone downstairs, instead of coming in my room (like they do most mornings). I thought I could hear my toddler up walking around, but I was almost done with my hair, but I was almost done getting ready. I finished up and went downstairs.

The first thing I noticed was that the banana bread I had left out to cool overnight on the counter had moved. I had covered the two loaves with a dish towel and pushed it back against the wall on cooling rack, but I found the bread pulled up to the edge of the counter, the towel on the ground and one loaf missing! I briskly walked through my main level calling out my daughter's and son's names in a frantic voice. This set the other kids in a frazzle. They were wondering why Mom was yelling and what could have happened. I kept walking around my main level hoping I could discover the two hiding somewhere with the bread and could salvage what was left. Before I found them I realized that the bread was in a place that it could not return from. The kids had let the dog out of the kennel and then I knew that he had devoured the whole loaf of bread!

Finally, my daughter came out of her room with her little brother. She was holding his dirty diaper that she had changed and they were both dressed for the day (and I even think her room was clean), and all I could say was, "Next time you need to ask me if you can let the dog out of the kennel in the morning." This was probably a very confusing statement as it usually didn't matter. She asked me why and I told her about the dog eating the bread. This made all the kids upset and my 8 year old son said we need to take the dog back to the pet store. I told them to all to go get ready for the day.

While I got breakfast going, I cooled off a bit and realized I had not set a very good example of accepting a "NO" answer I had just been given by the disappearance of the bread. I went and to my daughter and praised her for being so helpful with her little brother that morning then apologized about getting upset and not setting a good example of accepting a "NO" answer. She asked, "What "NO" answer?" I explained how the dog eating the bread was a no answer because we couldn't take it to the baby shower that evening and wouldn't be able to eat it. Then I said that it would be okay because Grandma always had plenty of food at a gathering of people (which she did).

Other things I thought of later were that my kids didn't need to feed the dog breakfast so that food was saved for his next meal, the dog could have eaten both loaves of bread, and there were still a couple of slices left by the end of the party. If I had two loaves, I would have had to bring the other one home and added it's calories to my diet :-). I was also able to see the more comical side of the whole story later and laugh at myself now.

Today I just finished reading the book Old Yeller to my kids, which has been fun since the dog is a bit of a thief like our dog. At the end of the book, when the main character Travis has to kill his dog to protect the family from rabies his dad provided some great counsel about his "NO" answer.

First, his dad praised him for taking great care of the family and farm while he was on the cattle drive earning money to provide for the family. Then he told his son he had become a man and needed to forget about what he had to do to the dog. Travis wondered how and here was the answer his dad gave:

"I guess I don't quite mean that," he said. "It's not a thing you can forget. What I mean is, things like that happen. They may seem mighty cruel and unfair, but that's how life is a part of the time.

"But that isn't the only way life is. A part of the time, it's mighty good. And a man can't afford to waste all the good part, worrying about the bad parts. That makes it all bad. . . . You understand?"

So when life gives you "No" answers, focus on the good parts of life!